Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
