i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
