Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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