i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
