Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
