I would go down on you faster than GM stock
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
