So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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