Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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