Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
