Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
