Someone shit on the floor
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They have beer where we have blood.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
