Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
