He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
