How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
