I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
