is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
