Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A bitchslap is in order.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
