What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just google imaged poop.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
