I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
