You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bring money and cleavage
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
