oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
