Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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