I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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