I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
