is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dignity is for republicans.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
