I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have demons in me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
