so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
