I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
