I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
