What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
