life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
