I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
