When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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