He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
