U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
