My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
