oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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