If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
