Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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