I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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