Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
