The maid of honor just puked.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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