Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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