FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
