I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i barfeds in our rink
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
