he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
