Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
