Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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