and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
