Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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