exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
