so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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